It's been a long, difficult week here in Maine
My thoughts on the impact of mass shootings and how to navigate them.
Dear Beloved Readers,
It’s been a long, difficult week here in Maine. Mass shootings are always devastating, yet feeling the impact so close to home brings a different, more nuanced experience- it becomes inescapable how precarious your safety and the safety of your loved ones truly is. It reminds me of what life felt like between learning I had cancer and starting to treat it.
Last night they found the shooter’s body, dead from suicide, and this brings it’s own complex combo of feelings- relief that the threat has been eliminated (in theory), anguish and anger that impacted families won’t have the opportunity to confront him (although, without restorative justice, that system is problematic), and hopefully some sense of how can we do better… for so many lives have been harmed.
For the Mainer’s who lost their loved ones, the grief will always be with them- it will change over time, but that kind of loss never really goes away. If I can offer one piece of advice, it is to give them your love and compassion- allow them to share their feelings and even when a significant time has passed, opportunities to talk about their loved ones is almost always welcomed, especially if you are good at listening without diminishing the feelings.
For the Mainer’s who were hurt but will recover, they will be facing the trauma of their experience plus a complex combo of feelings, including grief, survivor guilt, anger, anguish and gratitude. Survivor guilt often drives us to hide our feelings, because we know that someone has it worse. Keeping it inside only furthers the pain and prevents healing. The advice I have to offer is the same as above.
For the Mainer’s who were supposed to be there, or live nearby, or have gone to a bar or bowling alley- we are living with the vicarious trauma of this situation, which is very similar to the people who will survive their injuries, but not as intense unless our trauma histories are stirred with the events that have happened.
The emotional impact goes far beyond our borders, so if you are feeling the anguish, I want you to know… I feel it too.
The cautionary tale here is to work through the impact, because if we continue to live in fear, this will not serve us or our society at all.
This is a gun problem.
This is a mental health issue.
This is also a societal problem.
If we want peace, then we need to think about how to create safety and equity in our society, in our world. This is obviously more than one person can do alone, which means that we need to do our best to communicate our feelings, to be educated about the problems we face from sources that are reliable and contain lived experience, to trust that people dedicated to finding solutions are doing their best, and to think about how we can contribute to a solution.
If you wish to express yourself, pull out that art book and give your thoughts, feelings, and emotions some time today… the space to feel is always worth the effort.
Sending lots of love,
Stephanie